BXBX NOVEL Chapter 157: Wet Rag
“Woah, what’s with the rush?” the adventurer asked, doing a little jog to catch up. “Are we tending to a fire or something?”
“The opposite!” the merchant said, pushing the front door open. “Water!”
“What?!”
As they both exited onto the town square, Balthazar explained. “I just found out there’s this guy out on the roads selling bottles of what he claims to be water from my pond. Obviously, they’re not.”
Rob shook his head. “He’s gotta be a charlatan then, right?”
“Exactly!”
“So what do you plan to do about it?”
“Sell my own bottles of pond water!” the grinning crab replied.The courier sighed. “I’m not even surprised at this point…”
“And that’s why I need your services,” the merchant continued. “Unlike LaTan, I intend to sell genuine, one-hundred percent legitimate Boulders Point pure spring water. And I’ll need you to go back to Ardville and retrieve my first batch.”
“Wow, wait, hang on,” the human said, trying to keep up with the skittering crab as they weaved through the morning crowds. “You want me to haul a bunch of water all the way across the continent?! You realize I’m a courier, right? I deliver letters, small packages, not a whole shipment of bottles or a cask full of water.”
Balthazar chuckled with amusement. “Don’t you worry, Rob. I know how low your Strength must be. That’s why we’re going to see this guy I saw around here yesterday.”
“What guy?”
“Aha! There he is,” the crab exclaimed, pointing a pincer forward and running toward a nearby fountain surrounded by two horse statues.
A man in shorts and suspenders sat on the edge of the fountain, hunched over his boxes and bags, looking defeated as he wiped his soaked face and hair with a towel.
“Rob, meet, uh… Roberto,” the crustacean said, raising one eyestalk higher than the other. “Huh. Funny coincidence. You guys aren’t related, are you?”
“Hello, gentlemen,” the man sitting down said. “I remember you. You were the talking crab in the crowd yesterday. Can I help you with something?”
“Who’s this guy?” asked the courier. “And why is he all wet? Did you do this, Balthazar? Are you one of those squirting crabs I’ve heard about?”
“Of course not!” the eight-legged merchant said before turning to Roberto. “But why are you all soaked, anyway?”
The deflated man sighed as his shoulders slumped down and his gaze dropped to the ground.
“I was presenting my sponges to the crowd as usual,” he explained. “Then some funny guy among them asked to see one up-close. I obliged, of course, excited that someone took interest in my item. Hopeful to finally make a sale. But all he did was throw the soaked sponge back at my face while the crowd laughed and hollered.”
“Oh, man…” Rob said, expressing empathy for the sponge merchant.
Roberto wiped his face with a towel again. “I’m starting to think coming to this place was a mistake. Maybe these stupid sponges were a mistake. I can’t seem to sell a single one of them!”
“Well, I’ve got good news for you,” Balthazar said, giving the human a quick pat on the shoulder. “You’re about to make your first sale.”
The street salesman lifted his gaze to the crab, eyes wide. “Are you being serious? You’re not just pulling my leg here so you can toss a wet sponge at my face too or squirt water on me, are you?” ἁɴβЁṠ
“Nope. I would like to purchase one of your magical sponges, good sir!”
With a sudden beaming smile, Roberto stood up and reached into his wares to grab a sponge. “I can’t believe it! A real client, finally!”
“And not just any client,” the traveler said, propping himself up in a slightly pompous manner. “How much for the sponge, by the way?”
“They’re 50 crowns a piece,” the man in suspenders replied. “And what do you mean, not just any client?”
“Well, you surely noticed I am a crab. A talking crab…”
“Wait…” the sponge seller said, his eyes widening even more. “You couldn’t be…”
“Yep!” Balthazar said, closing his eyes smugly.
“Holy Crea! I can’t believe it! The famous merchant crab himself is all the way on this side of the continent and buying one of my sponges?! I can’t wait to tell this story back home!”
“Yes, yes, indeed,” the self-satisfied crustacean said while nodding. “Now, how about you get me two of those sponges and instead of money, we make a trade?”
“A trade of goods with you?” the other merchant said, his jaw slightly dropped. “I… I’d be honored!”
“Great!” Balthazar said while pulling his backpack off his shell and digging through it. “Let me see if I can find something that would be of use to you and… Ah, here we go!”
Pulling his pincer from the backpack, the merchant brought out a long object wrapped tightly by a leather strap.
The sponge seller looked in awe at it, his mouth open in wonder. “Amazing! What… is it?”
“This is a… stick,” the traveling crustacean said, awkwardly shuffling with the thing as he tried to work it out. “It… unfolds and… will keep you from getting wet when open. Like a protective barrier against water. Bet you could have used one of those a few moments ago. A very handy artifact. Like a… Staff of Water Repelling, yes, that’s it.”
Rob watched on, his arms crossed and his eyebrows frowning. “You mean… an umbrella?”
The crab finally found the right spot to press with his claw, and with a sudden click, the item opened itself, revealing a wide leather surface in a slightly domed shape.
“Yes, an umbrella,” Balthazar said, holding the portable shelter over his shell. “That’s what they call them where Rob here comes from. I prefer Staff of Water Repelling. A much more fitting name, as I’m sure you will agree.”
He passed the open umbrella to the salesman, who admired it with starry eyes.
“Woah, fascinating. I’ve never seen such a thing.”
“Where has this guy come from that he’s never seen an umbrella?!” the courier behind Balthazar muttered.
“My goodness!” Roberto exclaimed as he pulled on the shaft of the staff. “And it closes again, too! What a fascinating magical item!”
“Glad you like it. So, do we have a deal?” the crab said while the adventurer behind him shook his head and placed his face on his palm.
Without hesitation, the salesman put the umbrella down and reached into his bag with both hands to retrieve a few sponges. “Of course! Have a third one on the house, in fact! May I say, it is such an honor to just meet you, let alone make a deal with you. I’m a great admirer of your work.”
“Of course, of course…” the pompous crab said as he grabbed the sponges. “It was nice meeting you too, but we really must be going now. Very busy, lots to do! Good luck with your sales.”
Roberto nodded frantically to every word from the other merchant. “Thank you. Thank you so much! I’m sure my sales will go through the roof now that you’ve purchased these from me. This is all so very exciting! Oh, I should worry about getting more sponges now, to keep up with demand…”
Reading on Amazon or a pirate site? This novel is from Royal Road. Support the author by reading it there.
Leaving the excited man to his own monologue, Balthazar and Rob slipped through the passing crowd, heading back to the city hall, this time at a slightly less rushed pace.
“What did he mean?” the courier asked. “Admirer of what?!”
“My work,” the crab replied. “Didn’t you hear him?”
“Alright, but… what work?!”
Balthazar shrugged. “Weren’t you watching?”
“You mean how you just traded a common umbrella for three magical sponges?”
“He was happy and I got what we needed. What else matters?”
“What do you mean, we?”
“This, my slippery friend,” the crab said, holding a sponge in each pincer, “is how you will retrieve some water from my pond for me.”
“Oh…” Rob said as he grabbed the two sponges the merchant was offering him.
“You will soak up some water with these, which shouldn’t weigh too much on you, and then find me again, so I can start selling real Boulders Point hydration. I’ll just have to procure some bottles, but those should be easy to find anywhere.”
“Alright, I guess I can do that…” the courier said. “It’s still a better job than picking pockets and locks for small change like I used to.”
“Wait…” Balthazar said as they reached the entrance to the guildhall again. “That reminds me. You could maybe help me with something else.”
“And what would that be?”
The crab lowered his voice. “I’m working on this… thing. Investigating something. All very hush-hush, can’t really talk much about it.”
“You mean looking for the stolen mangoes for the mayor?” the former thief said matter-of-factly.
“Wait, what?! How do you know about that?”
Rob shrugged. “Once the biggest gossip in town knows, everybody knows.”
“Damn it,” the annoyed merchant sighed. “Either way. You used to be a thief, would you happen to still have any contacts with that guild? Specifically here in this city?”
“Hmm, I see. You’re hoping to find something about stolen merchandise from them. Makes some sense, but…”
Balthazar frowned at the hesitating adventurer. “But what?”
“I left that life behind, man. I really don’t wanna delve into it again. It’s tricky enough to leave, if I start poking my head back in… who knows what could happen. Besides, don’t you want me to go get this water for you as soon as possible?”
“Fine. Fine!” the crab said. “But couldn’t you at least point me in the right direction?”
Rob winced for a moment. “Look, man… You didn’t hear this from me—I don’t want any trouble—but if you really want to talk to someone from the Thieves Guild, you won’t find them hanging out here at city hall like all the others. You need to go somewhere else.”
“Alright. Where?”
“There’s a tavern in the south district,” the human continued. “It’s called ‘The Rat’s Tail’ and it’s where all the shady types usually hang. There’s this guy there every night, Moe Fingers. He’s the one you wanna talk to, but he won’t talk to you.”
“Huh?” Balthazar said with a mix of confusion and annoyance. “What then?”
“You need a passphrase, so he knows you were sent by someone in the circle. When you find him, ask him where he got his boots, because you used to have a pair just like them.”
“Rob, come on!” the crustacean exclaimed. “You know damn well I’m a crab. I can’t wear boots!”
The courier rolled his eyes. “It doesn’t matter! It doesn’t need to make sense. It’s just a passphrase for him to know you’re good to talk with. Just… say it. He will understand.”
“Alright, alright! I’ll try to remember that if I can find the guy,” Balthazar said.
“Good. Now I think I should get going. I\'ve got some water to fetch, apparently.”
After saying goodbye and splitting up from the adventurer, Balthazar went back through the atrium, looking for Druma and Blue.
It didn’t take him long to find them in the cafeteria area where they had been the previous day. Apparently, they had made some friends and became quite popular with the staff there, judging by the attention they were getting.
“And they let you have all that meat for free?” the crab said, after sitting next to Druma for a few minutes and catching up with him.
“Yes, yes, boss!” the happy assistant confirmed. “Misses in here are very nice. Druma like it here! Shiny lady from upstairs tell misses to let Druma and Blue eat all we wants!”
“Well, aren’t you guys lucky,” the merchant said with a chuckle. “Glad all my hard work up and down this city is affording you some good treatment. Speaking of which, I need to go out again. I’m supposed to meet with some locals again here at lunchtime, but until then I didn’t want to let the morning hours go to waste.”
Reaching into his backpack, the crab retrieved the map Suze had acquired from the bandit hideout the night before.
“I’ve got a list of places that need to be scouted out,” he continued, “and I’ve noticed some of them are inside town and nearby. I’m sure I could pass by and check them without much danger. Still, probably more conspicuous if it’s the three of us rolling through those places. You guys can stay here like yesterday while I justify all the food you’re eating.”
The goblin turned to look at the drake, who was sniffing the bowl she had just finished, and then looked back at the crab.
“Druma want to help boss!” he exclaimed. “Blue too!”
Balthazar cocked an eyestalk at his assistant. “You do?”
“Yes, yes, boss!” the goblin said with one of his usual vigorous nods, nearly causing the tip of his wizard hat to dip into the bowl of meat stew sitting in front of him.
“And you do, too?” the skeptical crustacean asked, leaning forward to look at the azure drake on the other end of the table.
She glanced lazily at him from the corner of her eye without much confirmation.
“Blue want to help Druma help boss!” the green assistant said. “Druma promise!”
The merchant let out a small sigh. “I guess if you really want to help, there’s no harm in letting you. We could cover more ground that way, and it’s better than leaving you two stuffing yourselves all day. Can’t have you getting too used to all this food. I’d go broke paying for meals like this every day.”
After staring at his assistant’s excited and hopeful expression for a little longer, the crab finally made his decision.
“Alright, fine. I’ll go check this building here like I planned to.” He placed the tip of his pincer over a marked spot on the map. “And you two should be fine to check this other storeroom over on this side here. Just remember, stay safe, don’t start any trouble. I only need you to look, see if you can spot any signs of a big shipment of mangoes anywhere inside.”
Druma nodded along as Balthazar explained.
“Yes, yes. Druma understand. Boss can count on Druma to find mangoes for boss!” He paused, looking up at the brim of his hat. “What is mangoes, boss?”
The merchant rolled his eyes.
“It’s a fruit, Druma. Smaller than a melon. Sorta… yellow? Orange-ish?”
He looked around, looking for a visual aid. It didn’t take long to find an embroidered image of a mango on a towel nearby.
“There. It looks like that. You get it now?”
“Oooh!” said the goblin as he nodded.
“Well, there you go. Look for fruits like that. If you see any in that place you just get back here and wait to tell me. Make sure you two don’t get into any trouble while you’re alone. I’m trusting you with something very important here.”
Balthazar glanced at the drake, who was casually nibbling on the contents of her bowl without paying much attention to the crab.
“And make sure Blue doesn’t set fire to anything,” he said. “Or fly. I’m not sure the people of this city would take well to a draconic creature gliding over their heads with all the talk about dragon attacks going on.”
Soon after, the trio exited the domed building, the crab going one way and the goblin and drake the other.
“Remember, don’t attract any attention!” Balthazar said as he waved them goodbye.
The crab watched on as the excited goblin hopped away next to the sauntering drake.
I’d better not have to come rescue them from any trouble later…
***
After a few minutes walking through several streets, Balthazar reached his marked destination: an old, rundown building in a less than pleasant part of town with nowhere near as much traffic as the commercial districts he had come from.
“This must be it,” he whispered to himself as he poked his eyestalks over a low fence. “Totally looks like the place bandits would hide too. Pfft, these guys are so conspicuous.”
Across the alley he could see a window low enough for him to peer through. Looking around, the crab saw no one nearby.
“Alright, just a quick peep, if I don’t see any mangoes, I’m out.”
Skittering his eight legs to the other side in his best attempt at being sneaky (which is to say, not very stealthy at all), the investigating crustacean passed under an old tree standing on the ground next to the building. Under it was a large patch of old, decayed leaves, shed by the tree above during that autumnal season. Not thinking twice about it, the crab walked over them in his dash for the window when something snapped under him.
“WOOOAH!” he yelled as the world around him turned upside-down.
“Hah! Got one!” a voice shouted from nearby.
Confused, Balthazar tried looking up. Or down. It depended on the perspective. The main concerning point being, he was hanging from the tree by a thick rope tied around his leg.
He had stepped on a snare trap.
“Darn it!” he grumbled, trying to reach his restraint but failing.
Too many pastries, too few pull-ups in his life, it would appear.
“Alright, you tie him up and I’ll get him down,” a rough-sounding man said.
Looking around, the captured merchant saw two bandits approaching. Onion Jake’s men, he was sure.
“Err, hey fellas,” the crab said, trying to think fast. “So glad you guys were passing by to help a traveler in need. I was—”
“Oi, shut him up, will ya?” the rough one said to the other. “I don’t wanna hear a word out of this crab’s mouth.”
Before he could utter another word, the bandit who had just wrapped a rope around all of his limbs shoved a wet rag into Balthazar’s mouth, leaving him unable to do more than produce muffle noises of protest.
Oh, crap! They’ve taken away my best weapon. My mouth!