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Chapter 577 Burning Disappointment

\'What\'s going on here?\'

Listening to Lillian\'s breathing, he could hear soft sniffles between many of her breaths, causing him to lean back and notice her reddened eyes.

"What\'s the matter?"

No answer came as Lillian clung to Kieran with hitched breaths and muffled sniffles. Kieran took the time to let her work through her emotions as he focused on the wayward vials of X-hancers rolling here and there across the floor.

Thankfully, the vials had not shattered from being dropped, but Kieran felt a burning urge as he gazed at them. He wanted them — needed them. That desire welled inside him before he tried to curtail and manage it well.

However, it was difficult — denying himself was becoming difficult.

An idle — perhaps extremely truthful and apt — thought came to mind as Kieran kept his gaze trained on the wayward vials.

\'Is my impulse control worsening?\'

Control had never been Kieran\'s forte, and losing it was an issue he grappled with. But, though his emotional availability was getting better… the same could not be said about his emotional restraint — namely wrath and desire.

That struggle could be attributed to his deep-seated issues, but Kieran considered a better culprit — Zenith Online.

The assumption made complete sense. 

Many were under the impression that Zenith Online was merely a game with an incredibly detailed history. Had it been run on geriatric gaming devices, everyone may have believed that fallacy. 

But it didn\'t, and not everyone believed it to be so. 

Zenith Online relied on cutting-edge technology that even earlier-generation attempts at virtual gaming couldn\'t compare to. Most notable was the lack of pixelation in the world, which limited older iterations suffered from. 

That sparked the idea that Xenith was too real of a world and its denizens were too realistic to be mere AI.

But the true mindblower — the reason Kieran and a number of others had begun to doubt what Zenith Online was and post about it on forums — was the fact people were manifesting abilities identical to their character on Xenith.

What the hell was that about?

That part didn\'t follow the logic of it being a fake world unless it was all some unfathomable experiment that the World Council hid from the masses. Should that be true… humans were nothing more than unsuspecting lab rats who were now shredding the tapestry of lies covering their eyes to pieces.

Then, it hit Kieran. 

Some part of the haze in Kieran\'s mind interfering with his ability to recall his past life receded, granting him access to bizarre, mindboggling memories.

As he reviewed them, Kieran gleaned tidbits about his old self that were parallel but weaker than they were now. 

\'No way. Are these memories right? Or is my mind pulling more tricks on me?\'

Somewhere along the way, Kieran had lost faith in his ability to recall. 

At times, it simply wasn\'t par for the course and left much to be desired. The bulk of his memories remained shrouded in a haze. What he gained access to seemed fragmented and could easily be misinterpreted, leading him astray.

If he accepted these memories as his truth, it was concrete proof that in his past life… Zenith Online had the same effect on him and likely others. There was no evidence to support the claim that it extended to others. Still, there was enough to corroborate his theory about himself.

\'I manifested the strength of a Berserker in my past life?\'

His memories were abridged, evocative, and perhaps misleading. Yet, the more they played in his mind, the more he felt inclined to believe them. It also explained why he was always drawn to the Berserker Class. It resonated with the deepest parts of his soul that required unlocking.

After a few moments, Kieran was reminded of the Zenith Frequency, again, mainly how it attuned to one\'s soul.

He would have liked to think about this some more, but at that moment, Lillian stirred and lifted her sodden face from his damp neck. She wiped her tears and checked Kieran thoroughly.

"I didn\'t know what to do. I didn\'t know. The message… it was blinking. It wouldn\'t stop. I constantly refilled the X-hancers and… and it just kept on. I blinked, and the serum I stocked was gone!"

Lillian rambled as if traumatized time, and Kieran let her express herself, part of his mind still stuck on the X-hancers and his waning impulse control. Her distraught trembles remained, but they were reducing as she listened to Kieran\'s heartbeat, finding it pacifying.

She continued after noticing Kieran\'s gaze on her.

"It wasn\'t like the other times. Something was different! Your body kept withering like it had entered an absurd catabolic state. I ran tests… your cells went through nonstop autophagy. And… and… there was so much ketosis and more! You were wasting away as if terminally ill and beset by death."

Kieran grimaced at the doctor-speak as he knew absolutely nothing about it outside of what he had learned from Lillian herself. However, he listened to everything she had to say, and when she was finished, he ran his fingers along the sinuous arch of her spine.

After briefly pausing to see if she had more to say, Kieran summarized his impression of the situation.

"So, it looked like I was about to die… and you did all you could to keep that from happening?"

Lillian nodded enthusiastically, her eyes regaining their lively spark of acute brilliance.

"Right, that\'s exactly what happened! Xane\'s Pod had some alerts, too, but it wasn\'t nearly as drastic when I checked on him. He does… look a bit different, though."

Kieran wasn\'t startled by the information, but it did alarm him. He had gone through similar changes, but never as intense. Based on Lillian\'s description, his body on Earth experienced precisely what his character on Xenith did.

\'Well, not precisely. But close enough.\'

For one, Kieran didn\'t feel anywhere as strong as he did when piloting Aatrox. He couldn\'t feel much of anything in his current condition. He was bereft of power on the cellular level. Dragging himself out of the Pod had been a miracle in itself.

He was utterly drained, and his stomach felt like it was being squeezed by a vice and burned by caustic liquids.

Lillian examined Kieran before staggering with realization.

"Shoot! The X-hancers. Shoot, shoot! Hold on a moment. We need to slowly reintroduce these things into your system. You\'ve been in this withered state for days."

Kieran agreed but was regretful when he didn\'t see Lillian unscrew the seal on the vials.

"So, I was monitoring your body, and it\'s not fit to ingest anything just yet. We\'ll have to do this intravenously."

Kieran grimaced as Lillian flicked an injector with a huge needle and focused on Kieran\'s largest vein in his arm. 

The fire in her eyes was a bit too zealous and focused, but when it came to a thirst for knowledge and experiment… not many could measure up to her standing.

"It\'s just a needle, no big deal."

Then, Kieran got the shock of his life as he inhaled sharply. It felt like his blood was lit aflame, liquid fire coursing through his veins, yet he didn\'t thrash. He tensed and shook as if seizing up, then muttered incoherent swears.

The red-hot pain left him in agony for a few seconds, then… the feeling vanished, and Kieran blinked as if disappointed.

"That\'s it?"

As soon as he uttered that, Kieran slapped a hand on his mouth. 

\'What the hell do I mean by is that it?! How disgusting have I become?\'